i think i'm officially having "one of those days"...i haven't posted in a while, but, warning, this may be "one of those posts" that's more about me needing to vent than something you're really dying to read...just so you know...

my computer is being slow and annoying. blogspot is being even more annoying. i've been lazy the past few days, which can be nice, but also leaves me restless. my new ipod is not working--in fact, i can hear a piece rattling around inside of it and i have no idea why. i feel like i have a lot to do, but no real direction on what i should do, what to prioritize, and little motivation. i could use a hug, a real and good one, know what i mean?

my best friend Amy was here last week, and it was amazing. that's another post in itself, with pictures (for now, check out her myspace: www.myspace.com/holykiss). but now she's back in california and i'm here in India, trying to get back to "normal life." it's not working very well so far. i had such a great time hanging out with her, and just talking and being with someone who knows me so well and, well, i'm not sure how to adjust back to the way things were. or if i even should.

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i don't think i'm feeling homesick; i just miss the deeper relationships that i had before. i love the people i'm around here, but it's not the same, and i don't know why. i don't feel like i can talk to people as much or be as honest or real or whatever, and it stinks. has it always felt this way, or is it more just the aftermath of something exceptionally good?

don't get me wrong--i'm extremely grateful for the time we got to spend together. my heart and spirit needed the long talks, laughter, prayers, and abundant hugs. and, totally unexpectedly, i truly experienced God's grace on a new level with the family we stayed with. they were amazing, and while i was struggling with feeling unworthy to be so protected and cared for, God was all the while telling me that He was using this to show me more of Himself! oh, how great is our God! He knows what we need, and He is faithful!

He is faithful. He'll get me through this slump, and probably even teach me something amazing from it. not a bad deal, even if it is no fun in the midst of it. but blogging helps, as do comments..hint hint :) thanks for listening.

2 shout outs!:

SouthAsiaRocks said...

Mandi - you're cool!! I love how honest you are :) I wish I was there to give you a BIG hug! I could really use a Mandi hug right now :) You're so cool!

Anonymous said...

mandi--i understand how you feel...missing deep relationships, lacking direction, and dang it, when technology fails us things have just gone too far! take care, friend, and know you're not alone. we should talk soon.--julie